Guitar Cover-tatstic!

Me playing "She's Electric" by Oasis:

10 Amazingly Colossal Wastes of Time

Hey there! I haven't written in a while, mostly because I've had better things to do. But when I found myself making a list of colossal wastes of time (ah, the irony) I figured the time had come to take up ye olde mouse and keyboard and put it on the blog (which, by the way, is totally mainstream, now, dude, like, not rad at all). So without further adieu, Ten Amazingly Colossal Wastes of Time:

10. Imagining chickens in various pieces of trendy clothing
When you're sitting around with absolutely nothing to do and you're sick of making up words to Fly Like an Eagle. Pick up a magazine and page through it GQ, Esquire, and Vogue are always great bets. Now, Imagine, instead of an incredibly attractive model flaunting outrageously expensive assware (call it "clothes" if want). Imagine a Rode-Island Red flaunting outrageously expensive assware. For those who are easily entertained (myself included), it makes for hours of fun.
9. Pronouncing all of the Hawaiian Islands as if they were sneezes
"O'ahu" is probably the easiest to do and "Moloka'i" sounds more like a wet cough. This technique can also be implemented with the names in the Old Testament (or the Tanakh, for my Jewish friends, it's essentially the same book), street signs, and also things you want to say in a passive-aggressive manor.

8. Facebook/Twitter (the link is a shameless plea for more followers)
It would be number 1 but sometimes it's not a waste of time (the first step is always denial) because you can learn things about relatives, look at embarrassing pictures of people you vaguely remember seeing once at "that thing, that one time, you know with a cake or something" and, also you get a glimpse on how pointless and redundant other people's thoughts are, and you get to feel a little better about your own pointless and redundant thoughts.

7. Staring a at speck on the wall
Again, could've been first but does increase you ability to concentrate. Set some goals if you want, I made it to 10 minutes once, I'm sure you can do better.

6. Working on a blog that no one reads because (among other reasons) you don't update it...ever
Yeah, going for irony but I think I'm trying to hard. If you also have one leave me a link as a comment and I'll probably read a post or two (mostly out of guilt because you read mine).

5. Thinking about one subject for a very long time
For example: Chocolate, Adult Diapers, Postal Delivery People, What A Kidney Looks Like...etc. It can get tedious, but what the hell else to do have to do?

4. Testing all your joints to see if you are "double jointed"
Don't hurt yourself, and definitely don't sue me, I don't have any money. Besides, if you were double jointed you would've figured it out by now...probably.

3. Singing a word or phrase over and over with increasing volume
Great way to find you neighbor's and co-worker's "annoying things" threshold. Though, everyone will either think you're mentally ill or just a total ass (And you might be both if you take advice from someone on the internet, I'm talking to YOU Yahoo Answers users).

2. Scribbling on a piece of paper frantically until it tears then immediately grabbing a new one and continuing
The great thing about this one is that you can do it forever (or until something more interesting happens or you run out of paper). Also it is a not only an Amazingly Colossal Waste of Time, it's also an Amazingly Colossal Waste of Paper.

1. Actually doing what you are suppose to be doing
Being alive in itself is a futile process. So why bother doing anything that you don't want to do in the first place. I mean, in the end (read: when you're dead) does the the 3rd quarter consumer report, your thesis on ants, or your math homework really matter?

And that was my list. Does nothing really matter? leave me a comment on what you think. Also if this post offended you, I apologize, that was not my intention at all. So, please don't leave nasty misspelled comments that are vaguely coherent. Thanks for reading this far, if you're on Stumble Upon "thumbs up" me and if you're not, just tell you're friends. I don't make any money off this blog. I'd just like to get a ton of hits on it, one of these days.